Sunday, January 31, 2016

What do you carry on your back?

We all have emotions and memories that burdens our lives. It can be from the childhood, catastrophes, broken relationships and so on.

We store them in our minds so that they are not visible on our surface. We hide it well. But when someone wants to get closer to us and opens the door to our inner memories it will all come tumbling down.

Instead of treading on or walking around it, it might be time to clean out you inner emotions. Make a decision and throw away everything negative and never let it disturb you again, like ripping out the pages of a book.

You can turn this into a defined exercise if that will help you more. Take some post-it notes and a trash can. Write down one negative emotion/memory on each post-it note and throw them one by one in the trash can.

Some old dark clouds that roam in you present mind are harder to get rid of than others. Then you can write them down and also answer these questions:
*WHAT can I do to leave this behind?
*WHAT do I need to succeed with this?
*WHEN should I do it?

HOW you do it can vary greatly, anything from getting therapy-treatment, to talk to someone that might be one source of your troubles, or cut of the contact to someone, or to write a letter to someone you never usually write to, or to pay debts (both financial and emotional). Yes, it can be anything. Only you know what you need to do.

If you clean out the old baggage you will have the possibility to write new pages and chapters in the future!

Have a wonderful day!
/Carina


Thursday, January 28, 2016

Fantastic review about the Self-help manual!

I visited addictionblog.org and found a fantastic and informative review about the Self-help manual for relatives of substance abusers!:  

"I believe that learning to say NO and letting go of control are the most valuable lessons that you’ll learn from this book. The big plus of this self-help manual is that it’s full with exercises rather than theory. Everything is put into practice! Also, the style is simple, and easy to understand.

Even though this book is an excellent guide to relatives of substance abusers, I’ll recommend that everyone interested in addiction recovery can read it. What I like the most about this self-help manual is that its exercises are applicable not only to families of substance abusers, but also in all fields in your life. As a teacher, I will definitely use some of the exercises into my classes."


HERE'S WHERE YOU CAN FIND THE BOOK
  
READ THE FULL REVIEW HERE.

Monday, January 25, 2016

New study about child exposure

This post is about a new study coming from my own country: Sweden. However, it may also be adaptable to all countries in the west, since our cultures in many ways are similar to one another, but more importantly, since all children living in families where abuse occurs are negatively affected.

As said, the study tells us how the outcome may look like for children living with parents suffering from drug- or alcohol addiction or mental illness. These children are forced to act like "parents", both to their siblings but also to their mother and/or father.


The result is pretty terrifying: Approximately 7 percent of the children in Sweden live under these circumstances. There is a huge risk that these children develop an addiction of their own when they've reached adolescence or adulthood. It is also more likely that they may suffer from mental illness later in their life, comparing to children growing up in non-destructive families.

No child should grow up with the burden of acting as a parent/guardian/caretaker to members of their own family. Children are suppose to be children, and in some cases, they need help in order to "accomplish" this (though it may sound strange and harsh to say). 

Needles to say, our society (social services, schools, day cares, welfare administrations and other friends and family members) have a great responsibility in helping children living under these circumstances. No child should be alone!



The study was published by Socialstyrelsen (Swedish National Board of Health and Welfare)

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Need a medicin for shame? Talk to someone you trust!

As a relative it's common to feel shame and guilt. Is it my fault that the alcoholic drinks? What could I've done differently? It's my failure that the person uses drugs. What would others think of me if they knew how things really are? What would other people say about me if they knew how I really have it at home?

Often we try to keep the problem as secret as possible.We think we're alone in this situation. That no one else would understand. That strengthens the shame. Dare to talk to someone! Choose a good friend, relative, therapist, go to open meetings at for example Alanon. There you will meet others with similar experiences. By talking to others the feeling of shame is reduced.You will probably also realize that many more people than you would have ever believed have experiences of the exact same problems as you.

Take courage and talk! You will probably meet more understanding than you would ever have guessed!

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Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Focus nr 1: Your needs!

As a relative, it's easy to forget your own needs. Of love, care and fear, we are often more focused on saving and taking care of someone else's needs. Perhaps we notice too late that we have breached our own needs, which leads to that we one day stand there completely exhausted. In the worst cases we have also failed our own needs and health such as our diet, exercise and sleep. We may even have got into financial trouble because we have focused on helping someone else's economy. If you stand in this situation, or feel that you are on your way there, these questions can be helpful for you:

* What are your needs that need to be taken care of for you to feel good?

* What do you do now to take care of your own needs?

* What do you need to prioritize to take care of your needs?

* What do you prioritize away to take care of your needs?

* What can you do today that will give you the opportunity to care for any of your needs tomorrow?

* Are there things you need to do, information to find, contact with other people (ex. doctors, therapists, financial advisors or other) that you need to address in order to take care of your needs?

* What are your needs that you need to prioritize first? What is your first step to take care of the most important need right now?

* What can you do right now, at this moment, to take care of your needs?

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Happy new 2016!


Here are some suggestions of apps for change, that may help you in various areas of your life! Which areas of your life would you like to change/develop?
Creating good Habits: https://itunes.apple.com/se/app/good-habits/id573844300?mt=8

HEALTH AND EXERCISE

Work out programs: http://sworkit.com/
Yoga: http://yogastudioapp.com/
https://runkeeper.com/

Feel free to send a comment here if you have any more suggestions of helpful apps!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
/Carina

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